Today’s Ready, Set, Done will be devoted to people who I can’t stand and encounter almost every single time I leave the house. We’ll start with the people who go to fast-food restaurants and places like Starbucks, stand in line, get to the counter, yet still have no idea what to order. You’ve been standing in line how long? You’ve been free to read the menu how long? Without fail, every Friday when I go to my local Starbucks for my weekly Frappuccino, I get stuck behind some idiot who has been in line as long as I have, yet hasn’t the foggiest idea what the hell they want. IT’S COFFEE. Either you want it hot, or you want it cold. You can get tea too, if you want….also hot or cold. This shit isn’t complicated. A corollary to these people would be those that go to Subway, order a sandwich, then stand there for 10 minutes agonizing over the toppings choices. Here’s a word of advice — DON’T GET IN LINE UNTIL YOU KNOW PRECISELY WHAT IT IS YOU WANT TO ORDER, DAMN IT.
The next group of people who irritate the snot of me are assholes who let doors shut in your face because they can’t be bothered to hold it open for the 5.6 seconds it’ll take to walk through it after them. I know I have two working arms, but if you’re right in front of me and walk into a building or establishment, would it kill you to just hold the door open so I can pass through? I’ll even say thank you and smile and all that nice stuff. It’s even worse when you see people shutting doors in the faces of the elderly, people whose arms are overloaded with bags, parents with strollers or young children in tow……who raised you people? I’ll hold the door open for anybody, regardless of age, gender, or infirmity. Wanna know why? I WAS RAISED WITH MANNERS.
The last group of people I’ll talk about this morning are people who don’t know what horns and turn signals are for on a car. How am I supposed to know you intended to turn right there if you don’t put your damn turn signal on? I’m not the Amazing Kreskin, I can’t read your mind. Furthermore, if I’m backing out of a parking spot and you’re driving through behind me, would it kill you to honk so I’ll know you’re there, especially if I’ve got an SUV or large pickup truck on one side, and I can’t see if cars are coming that way? You know, just a little toot to let me know you’re there. Also, stop signs are for stopping, not blowing through. I swear, I have days where I want to just yank the driver’s licenses of everybody I see on the road.