A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there lived a girl named Moonbeam Sunflower. Her parents were hippies, hence her shitty name. She hated her name, and waited for the day she turned 18 when she could change it to Jacqueline Elizabeth, you know, a real name. Anyway, Moonbeam Sunflower was hungry. She normally was, since her parents were vegans and stocked the pantry and refrigerator with crap like tofu, soy cheese, and quinoa burgers. One night, hunger pangs racked her frame as she was bent over her desk, reading a magazine she’d picked up off the floor in the family living room. Dinner had been several hours earlier, and it consisted of a raw vegetable plate and grilled tofu drizzled in conflict-free, organic, free range honey. Not exactly the stuff to fill your belly. So, Moonbeam got up from her desk, tripping over the cat and two pairs of Crocs, and made her way downstairs to the kitchen. It was dark outside, since it was nighttime and nighttime wasn’t known for its blinding brightness, so she flicked the overhead light on so she could see what she was doing. She made her way to the fridge, flinging the door open, and started crying at the beautiful sight before her.
A chocolate cake, to be precise.
Not one of those vegan monstrosities she was used to eating, but a real and proper cake, purchased at a bakery in town. She gleefully ran over to the cabinets to get a plate and some silverware, and quietly removed the cake, placing it on the counter. She took the cover off as best she could without arousing anyone’s suspicions and cut herself a slice, a huge, completely ridiculous slice. She put the plastic cover back on the cake, slid it back in the fridge, then stole away upstairs with her cake. She shut her bedroom door behind her, locking the door, then sat down on the floor in her closet, also with the door closed, and savored each and every bite of the dessert. She clearly didn’t want to risk anyone happening upon her eating this verboten foodstuff. Just as she took her last bite, she could hear a loud beeping noise around her, and looked around to see where it was coming from. It kept getting louder and louder until…….she woke up. The alarm clock next to the bed was blinking an angry “6:30,” and she sighed as she slapped the snooze button, rolling out of bed. It had been such a nice dream, too.