I don’t rock the boat.

The expression “going against the grain” means to do something differently than what is expected, what everyone else is doing.  I can’t say that really applies much to me.  I’ve talked before about my fear of failure and rejection, and how it colors the way I do things, the way I approach things.  I don’t like to step out of line and do things my own way, particularly when no one else is doing that as well.  I don’t like standing out.  Standing out makes you ripe for mockery or jeers or criticism, and I don’t take well to being criticized, laughed at, or made fun of.  I’m a complete and total wuss in this arena.  Surprisingly, I’m fine with that.  It means sometimes I miss out on potential advantages because I don’t voice my opinion or act how the little voice in my head thinks I should, but in the main, I don’t think I’ve been negatively affected by this.  That doesn’t mean there aren’t days where I wish I had an entirely different personality and mindset to the one I currently have.  It would be great to think the way my sister thinks, for example, because she’s the exact opposite of me in almost every conceivable way — especially this way.  I often joke with her that I don’t see how we’re even related, owing to how dissimilar we are, but then she points out that the both of us thinking we’re utterly unlike the other is one way we very much are like the other, which proves we’re related.  Go figure.  Still, she’s not afraid to stick her neck out and do things the way she wants to do them, regardless of what other people think, and I wish I had that kind of pluck.



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