With props to the writers of Clueless, that is probably my favorite euphemism for, well, this particular subject. I was fortunate enough not to get my period for the first time while I was in school, but my best friend was not. She looked over at me with this weird expression, then shot her hand up in the air like it had a Saturn V rocket attached to it. The teacher asks what’s wrong, she says she needs to use the ladies’ room, and when she stands up, practically bolts from the room. Of course, that arouses everyone’s suspicions/curiosity, so the chatter begins about what could be ailing her. I heard everything from sudden diarrhea to she peed herself. Thankfully…thankfully the uniform skirts we had to wear at this time were dark (I went to private school.) because nothing showed through, but there was a bit of a mess on her chair, which I helped clean up, remarkably without anyone catching on. When she sat back down, she looked like she’d dunked her face in tomato sauce, that’s how embarrassed she was.
Ladies, if you remember, where were you when you first got a visit from Aunt Flo, and no, I don’t mean the gal from the Progressive commercials. I was at home, watching TV. My mom wasn’t home at the time, and my dad had to go upstairs to get my grandmother (we lived in an apartment building, and his mother lived in the apartment above ours), which was doubly embarrassing, because not only did my dad know I had my period, he had to go tell my grandmother…my grandmother…who came downstairs to tell me I was fine and wasn’t going to die, which I wasn’t worried about anyway. I cringe now just thinking about it, and it was 22 years ago.