The only funnels I like are cake.

I’m not bothered by thunderstorms, provided they happen during the day.  When they happen at night, then I get freaked out because I can’t see what’s going on, I can’t see if any clouds are swirling in an ominous, funnel-like formation.  The closest I’ve ever come to a tornado hitting my house was back when we were living in Alpharetta, Georgia.  My parents had gone up to Illinois for the weekend to take care of some things with my grandmother, who was being moved from her house to a nursing home.  My sister and I were alone at the house, and on the Friday night, storms were predicted, but not necessarily severe ones.  That changed in a hurry.  She was upstairs watching TV in our parents’ bedroom, and I was downstairs in the living room, and when Brad Nitz, the WSB meteorologist said that we were under a tornado warning, and that funnel clouds had been spotted around Alpharetta, I ran upstairs to get her, and we went into the half-bath that was downstairs, as we didn’t have a basement, and that was the only interior room in the house that didn’t have windows.  I put the toilet lid down and sat down, she sat down on the floor, and we covered ourselves and our cat with a bedspread.  I turned on a small battery-powered radio, because by then the power had gone out, and she frantically called our parents in Illinois because she was scared out of her wits, and frankly, so was I.  It got very, very loud for maybe 15 minutes, and we could hear glass shattering outside (it was our patio umbrella being picked up and dropped through the table), and then it got quiet.  Very, very quiet.  Cell reception was shitty, so the phone call kept dropping out, which didn’t make my parents any less anxious.  When we felt safe that whatever happened had passed, we put some shoes on and walked outside, which was pitch black, and tried to see if any houses were still standing.  They were.

The next morning, after getting NO sleep because no power means no air conditioning, we got in the car to go get some breakfast and see what happened.  Literally one subdivision away from us, there was damage.  I don’t know if it was a tornado or straight-line winds, but it was a mile, maybe a mile and a half away from us.  We drove down Main Street and saw a huge oak tree literally ripped out of a concrete parking lot.  So, yeah.  Tornadoes can suck it.  We got very, very lucky.  I don’t ever want to go through that again.


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