While ketchup absolutely does not belong on a hot dog, or any type of sausage for that matter, this time I’m talking about relish. I’m from Chicago, and we have a weird relationship with food, in the sense that we have rules about how you should eat certain things, hot dogs being one of them. The first rule is of course, NO KETCHUP. EVER. If you buy a hot dog and ask for ketchup, prepare to get dirty looks because that shit don’t fly in the Windy City. Take your hot dog home and eat it with ketchup there. The only proper condiments for a hot dog (or sausage of any type) is mustard and sauerkraut. Spicy brown mustard is preferred, but yellow mustard will do if that’s all that is available. Relish, be it sweet pickle relish or dill pickle relish, does not belong on a hot dog. If mustard and sauerkraut are not available, you eat that shit plain.
Now, where relish belongs is in tuna salad. You take a can of tuna, never the kind packed in oil, and you drain it. Dump it in a bowl. Add in one teaspoon, maybe 1 ½ teaspoons, of mayonnaise, then mix it up. Add in a generous helping of pickle relish, either sweet or dill. Stir. Add in a shit-load of black pepper. No salt. Stir it again. Eat. There. That’s the proper usage of relish.