I hate not being in control of whatever situation I’m in. I don’t know why or when it started, but I get incredibly uncomfortable when I have to leave things up to someone else. I suppose it’s linked to how much I dislike working in groups. I always do better when I’m by myself because that way, I’m solely responsible for the output. If it sucks or looks bad, it’s on me. When you’re in a group, you personally may do a great job, but if other people drop the ball, and the whole project fails, you get swept along with it, even though you weren’t why it failed. It also extends to the way I look or how I act. I don’t like looking stupid or looking foolish, so I avoid doing things that will make that happen, like karaoke, dancing, or acting. I understand that those are all fun things, and enjoy watching other people do them, but I can’t stand the idea of people laughing at me, particularly when I’m not doing something intentionally comical.
Are any of you like this as well? Do you remember when you first noticed it about yourself? Have you ever tried to change it, and if so, were you successful?