I am not a good liar. With some things, I can fudge the truth a little, but when it comes to the big whoppers, I just can’t get away with it. I’m way too much of a wuss to try and get away with it. That’s why I was that one kid in high school who never played hooky — there’s no way in hell I would be able to successfully lie to my parents about how my day went…they’d see through it like used Neutrogena. What’s more, I never snuck out after curfew to meet my friends or anything. Again, because there’s no way I could have gotten away with it, even if I’d wanted to. As an adult, I’m as shitty a liar as I was when I was a teenager. So, if you need me to lie for you, don’t ask. I can’t do it. I can tell someone you liked the food when you didn’t, but if you want me to tell your boyfriend you were hanging out with me, when you were really doing the horizontal hokey-pokey with someone else, maybe try someone else.