“They come runnin’ just as fast as they can…”

A lot of things are sexy when it comes to men, and I’m sure women and gay men everywhere will disagree on what some of those things are, but I think we’re all in agreement that a man in a well-tailored and fitted suit is one of those things. Don’t give me sloppy and slovenly. Give me a man who knows how to dress. It doesn’t even have to be a suit or tuxedo, either. A t-shirt and jeans that fit right are more than good enough. I hate seeing guys walk around in clothes that don’t fit. I don’t care what it is you’re wearing, buy the size that works for your height/weight/waist size/inseam. It’s not that hard a concept. Speaking of sharp dressed men, your Musical Interlude Friday selection is all about them — take it away, fellas.


Don’t kill them, please.


They look fuzzy, but don’t try to cuddle one of them. You won’t like it.

I hate most insects, especially invasive insects like ants and anything that bites/stings like wasps, hornets, and mosquitoes, the most vile insects to ever live. I don’t mind bumblebees/honeybees, though. Why? They pollinate the flowers. Honeybees make honey. For the most part, they leave humans alone, provided you don’t go attacking them or something, which is true for almost any living creature, including other humans. They have a very important job to do, and if they are wiped out, the food chain would be in a lot of trouble. Which is why I tell people, if you see a fuzzy bumblebee or a honeybee hovering around some flowers…leave them alone. Don’t take out a can of RAID and start spraying. I actually know someone who kills butterflies. Butterflies. Goddamn butterflies. I think that’s on the checklist to becoming a future serial killer.


I don’t think I’ve ever eaten one.


I think to have a cooking show on Food Network, you must liberally use this product.

I don’t consider myself a foodie by any means. There is a list longer than my arm of the foods I won’t eat because they either sound disgusting, smell disgusting, or look disgusting. Capers aren’t something I’ve eaten, not because I haven’t wanted to, but rather because I don’t think I’ve eaten anything they were put in. Maybe I have and I just don’t realize it, but I don’t recall consciously eating a caper. I know that almost every TV chef I’ve ever seen has extolled their virtues on more than one occasion, especially if it’s Italian cooking, but that’s the extent of my knowledge of them. They’re edible berries, and they’re often pickled. I guess you could mix them in a salad dressing?




This is the sound of psychosis.

Do you know people who enjoy constantly jingling and jangling things in their pockets like keys or loose change? Are these not the most insufferable sons of bitches you’ve ever met? They’re on the same people as pen clickers and pencil tappers. You know the types. I’m pretty sure they were put on this Earth just to irritate the rest of us and provide an example for our children on how not to live. I once snapped at a dude in an elevator because it was otherwise quiet until he had to start jangling his keys in his pocket as if the quiet scared him or something. I won’t say these people are entirely useless, as I’m sure they provide some benefit to someone, but that someone is obviously not me.


“My baby, she wrote me a letter.”

A long, long, long time ago, quills were the only writing instruments that existed. You dipped the point in ink and wrote your manuscript or whatever else. I do think handwriting things has become a lost art since the invention of the typewriter, and then later, the computer, but I still enjoy writing notes or “Thank You” cards by hand, just because it shows an attention to detail and a level of care that is lacking nowadays. Do you know what else people wrote using quills? Letters. Can you guess what today’s Musical Interlude Friday selection will be? If you said “The Letter” by Joe Cocker, you win $5 and a bag of Peanut M&Ms. Congrats, and enjoy!


Your child is not a dog.


Unless he responds to “Fluffy” and eats his food out of a bowl on the floor, TAKE HIM OFF THE LEASH.

When I see mothers (and fathers, though it’s mostly moms) out in public with their children, and their kids are wearing those child leashes or tethers, it makes me see red. That’s a human being. A little human being, but still. A human. Not a dog. You leash your dog to keep it from running away, not your kid. My mom never had to leash my sister and I to her like a pack of misbehaving terriers. We were told, in no uncertain terms, that we were to hold her hand and stay by her side, otherwise we were going back in the car and going home. Since getting to go to a mall or department store or restaurant was a huge treat for my sister and I growing up, we weren’t too keen on doing anything that would make us have to go back home. My grandparents certainly never had to leash either of my parents or my uncles to them when they went out in public, so when did this grotesque phenomenon start? If you do this, fucking stop. You look ridiculous, and your child looks tortured.

Oh, and before someone invariably asks, no, I don’t have any children. I don’t need to have children to know that children are not animals and should not be treated like they are.


On fleek.


Mine don’t look this good, but then, I don’t make my living doing beauty tutorials on YouTube, either.

I don’t do wax. My sister has her eyebrows waxed on the regular, but I don’t. It’s much easier (and cheaper) for me to just pluck them myself when I need to. I know more than a few people who say that plucking hurts because you’re taking out each individual hair, whereas waxing is just ripping a whole bunch out at one time, but to me, that sounds like it would hurt more. I mean, you’re putting hot wax on your flesh, then ripping it off. How is that a painless procedure? I think mine look pretty good for being taken care of myself instead of an aesthetician, but that’s just my opinion.


Happy Independence Day!


They’re pretty and loud. Just like my sister.

As you watch beautiful fireworks soar and sail through the air tonight, please remember to keep it safe. If you’re going to set off firecrackers or sparklers or whatever else, do it SOBER. That means, DO NOT DRINK, THEN SET OFF SMALL EXPLOSIVES. Emergency rooms across the country are filled the next day with morons who lost fingers or worse because they thought drinking a whole case of beer, then lighting fireworks someone was holding between their teeth, was a good idea. Don’t be that person. Enjoy the Fourth of July festivities wisely, so you can enjoy them again next year, and the year after that, and so on and so forth.

My dad’s grilling for lunch, and my sister and I are going to watch our town’s local fireworks display later this evening. All in all, it’s going to be a marvelous day.


Catch me if you can.


I wish my legs looked that good. I’d say “maybe one day,” but we all know it ain’t gonna happen.

I’ve discussed before my exercise regimen here, and while I don’t run (or even jog), I’d like to work my way up to that eventually. Right now I walk between 4.5 and 5 miles a day, sometimes more if I mow the front/back lawns. That means I go through trainers really fast, but the two pairs I have now are a better quality than I’ve had in the past, so hopefully the last me until at least the winter. I get asked all the time if walking that much in a day is tiring, and the answer is no, no it’s not. I don’t speed-walk, but I walk at a decent clip, and the latter of the two walks I do during the day is mostly uphill, and it’s in the evening when it’s warmer than the morning, so it’s almost like a double workout in and of itself. I’m fortunate to live in a subdivision that has two other subdivisions attached to it, so I have a nice bit of real estate to use for these walks.

This is a PSA — if you’re going to do any kind of exercising over the summer, always have water with you. You may think you’ll be fine without it, but believe me — you’ll need it. Even if the air temp is only in the low 80s, it’s the humidity that will do you in. Be smart.


Slow ride, take it easy.


Now THIS is a view.

I love road trips. I know some people that hate long car rides, but I love ’em. One of my favorite things to do is pick an Interstate and just ride it for a while, seeing what’s there. I don’t drive, so I’m always the passenger, and being the head passenger comes with a lot of responsibilities. You’re responsible for procuring directions and/or handling maps, you have to dole out drinks and snacks to everyone else in the car, provided their not being kept in the back seat, and if part of your road trip happens at night, you have to keep the driver awake and alert IF they don’t want to stop somewhere until morning. I remember when my family moved to Georgia from Chicago — my sister got to sleep in the backseat the whole way there, while I had to stay awake in the front seat keeping our mom company and awake. I got to see what Cincinnati, OH looks like at night when you cross into Louisville, KY, so there’s that.

Just so you know, the Ohio River looks the same at night as it does during the day. You’re not missing anything.